Honest to God

Oh, what joy for those whose rebellion is forgiven, whose sin is put out of sight! Yes, what joy for those whose record the LORD has cleared of sin, whose lives are lived in complete honesty! Psalm 32:1,2 (New Living Translation)

Honesty. That is a loaded word, whose meaning can be pretty scary. Most of us don't tell lies or cheat on our taxes, if we've been given too much change we'll return it. But how often am I honest to God? I’m talking brutal, naked honesty.


Can I wake up in the morning with matted hair and eye boogers and say, “God I am a sinner. Just last night I let my mind run way past the pastures of purity. Yesterday I plunged a 6 inch knife of gossip into the back of one of your children. The CD I have in my player right now is a bit less than uplifting. I am incredibly envious of what so and so has. What I mean is I want it! NOW! To be honest with you I spend more time trying to get my hands on the latest tech gadgets or some sweet duds than I do developing a good character. I’d rather stay up late watching a not so great movie, and sleep to the last minute than spend time with you. Guess you could say that I’m pretty selfish, huh? Sorry God, I’m a mess.”

Honesty. Complete, brutal, naked. It is a scary thing, especially if you are a pastor. We aren't supposed to have issues like I mentioned above. We've got it all together. Right?

In Psalm 32 David tells us that those who live honest to God have a tremendous joy and freedom. Why? ‘Cause God is more than willing to forgive. If we are honest God will take out the trash in our hearts and lives.

When he refused to confess and tried to cover up sin in his life, when he pretended everything was fine and he had it all together, he was weak and miserable. He had no strength, verses 3,4. But when he confessed all his sins, and stopped trying to hide them, they were forgiven and gone. He goes on to say 'cause of this honesty God is his hiding place, trouble is kept far away, verses 5,7. Isn’t it kind of funny how we try to ignore or hide something from a God who knows it all anyway?

So I ask myself, "Do I have enough courage to expose myself before God? Am I open and true to who I am, baring all the weakness, sin, selfishness, inadequacy, apathy, and reluctance to a God who is crazy about me just as I am?"

Do you have the guts to be this honest to God?

The Victor

I just got back from my second annual Pop and Son fishing tournament. It is a silly little game my dad and I play, only now we are keeping score. It is a time where I go out to Colorado to spend a week fishing with my dad. My objective is to catch as many or more fish than my dad. Usually doesn't happen, but we share a great bonding time.

This year is a little different. This year in the closing hours of our challenge, thru freezing rain and blinding snow (really it hurt when it hit your eyes), and in the dark of the night I came away with two more fish than my dad.

I won!

Because of the snow and crappy weather we came back a couple days early. I got to spend a little bit of time with the rest of my family, which was good. However, I am being nagged by the fact that during that time they didn't see much of a change in me.

My family has seen me good, bad, and ugly. But they haven't seen me on a regular basis since I really committed to follow Christ, and since I became a pastor. Sure I don't' drink or use much of the same language I did back then, but what about me could show them the change God can make in a person's life, a person's character?

I mean they spoke God's name more than I did. I continue to struggle with how to share the God I love with my family who wants little or nothing to do Him? How do I invite my Dad to love God when he sees it as a grave weakness?

I feel like another opportunity slipped by, but I don't know how I was supposed to take advantage of that opportunity. How do you share Jesus with your family?

I drove home with the trophy in my backseat, but feeling like the loser in my heart.

Please God save my family...